Replaces text (mostly) according to http://xkcd.com/1288/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1625/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1679/ , as well as http://www.xkcd.com/821/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1004/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1025/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1031/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1418/ . This script is just an update of https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/1322-xkcd-text-replacer
// ==UserScript==
// @name XKCD Text Replacer
// @version 2.1
// @description Replaces text (mostly) according to http://xkcd.com/1288/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1625/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1679/ , as well as http://www.xkcd.com/821/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1004/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1025/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1031/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1418/ . This script is just an update of https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/1322-xkcd-text-replacer
// @match http://*/*
// @require http://code.jquery.com/jquery-latest.js
// @namespace https://greasyfork.org/en/users/43235-mind-combatant
// ==/UserScript==
GM_addStyle(".xkcd_replaced:hover { text-decoration:underline; }");
var array = {
"witnesses": "dudes I know",
"allegedly": "kinda probably",
"new study": "Tumblr post",
"rebuild": "avenge",
"space": "spaaace",
"Google Glass": "Virtual Boy",
"smartphone": "Pokédex",
"electric": "atomic",
"senator": "elf-lord",
"car": "cat",
"election": "eating contest",
"congressional leaders": "river spirits",
"Homeland Security": "Homestar Runner",
"could not be reached for comment": "is guilty and everyone knows it",
"debate": "dance-off",
"self driving": "uncontrollably swerving",
"poll": "psychic reading",
"candidate": "airbender",
"drone": "dog",
"vows to": "probably won't",
"at large": "very large",
"successfully": "suddenly",
"expands": "physically expands",
"first-degree": "friggin' awful",
"second-degree": "friggin' awful",
"third-degree": "friggin' awful",
"an unknown number": "like hundreds",
"front runner": "blade runner",
"global": "spherical",
"years": "minutes",
"minutes": "years",
"no indication": "lots of signs",
"urged restraint by": "drunkenly egged on",
"horsepower": "tons of horsemeat",
"gaffe": "magic spell",
"ancient": "haunted",
"star-studded": "blood-soaked",
"remains to be seen": "will never be known",
"silver bullet": "way to kill werewolves",
"subway system": "tunnels I found",
"surprising": "surprising (but not to me)",
"war of words": "interplanetary war",
"tension": "sexual tension",
"cautiously optimistic": "delusional",
"Doctor Who": "The Big Bang Theory",
"win votes": "find Pokémon",
"behind the headlines": "beyond the grave",
"email": "poem",
"Facebook post": "poem",
"tweet": "poem",
"Facebook CEO": "this guy",
"latest": "final",
"disrupt": "destroy",
"meeting": "ménage à trois",
"scientists": "Channing Tatum and his friends",
"you won't believe": "I'm really sad about",
"I think that": "I saw a study once that said",
"Batman": "a man dressed like a bat",
" would be a good name for a band": ".tumblr.com",
"keyboard": "leopard",
"force": "horse"
};
$(function(){
$("body")
.find("*")
.contents()
.filter(function() {
return this.nodeType === 3; //Node.TEXT_NODE
})
.each(function(){
var text = $(this).text();
for (var val in array){
text = text.replace(new RegExp("\\b" + val + "\\b", "gi"), "<span class='xkcd_replaced' title='" + val + "'>" + array[val] + "</span>");
}
$(this).replaceWith(text);
});
});